Have you ever felt like dating and social media resemble popularity contests? You’re not wrong. Research shows that modern relationships function like economic markets, complete with supply, demand, inflation, and stock crashes.
How We Started Treating People Like Products
When meeting someone new, we unconsciously assess their “value” based on external factors:
- What school they attended
- Their family background
- Where they live
This mindset extends to dating, where people market and optimize themselves like products on a shelf. The rise of dating apps has only intensified this phenomenon, turning romantic connection into a high-stakes economy.
Dating Apps: The Ultimate Shopping Experience
Dating apps mimic online shopping platforms. Swiping right is like purchasing, while swiping left is passing on a product. The system operates on a cycle:
- More likes increase visibility
- Greater visibility leads to more likes
- Those who don’t gain early traction remain unseen, no matter how great they are
It’s like having a fantastic product hidden in a store’s backroom—unnoticed and unsold. This algorithm-driven cycle means that many users never get a fair chance to be seen, leading to frustration and disillusionment.
How People “Lose Value” in the Dating Market
Perceived desirability declines for several reasons:
- Age: Older individuals often face bias in dating (unfair but real).
- Life Changes: Moving, career shifts, or family situations alter perceived value.
- Health Issues: Mental or physical challenges can impact desirability.
- Appearance Changes: Society’s superficial standards affect treatment.
To maintain their “market value,” people use filters, highlight achievements, and craft a perfect online persona, often at the expense of authenticity.
The TMI Problem: When Oversharing Backfires
In friendships, sharing personal details strengthens bonds. In dating, revealing too much can reduce interest. It’s similar to a company losing investor excitement after disclosing all its secrets.
Many individuals—especially those frequently objectified—strategically withhold details to maintain intrigue and protect themselves. The fear of “devaluation” turns genuine self-expression into a calculated move.
How to Navigate This Market-Like System
Since dating now operates like an economy, strategies can help:
✅ Create scarcity: If attention is always available, its value drops. Being slightly less accessible increases desirability.
✅ Be unpredictably engaging: Markets thrive on calculated uncertainty—just enough to keep interest alive.
✅ Flip the script: Rather than proving your worth, let others demonstrate why they’re worth your time.
The Recognition Trap
Human nature craves validation. Socially, recognition was once tied to survival. Today, it fuels an endless loop of likes, comments, and matches. The more we seek approval, the more control it exerts over us.
Is There a Way Out?
Dating and social interactions now function as financial markets, where people strategize, invest, and aim for maximum return. The crucial question: Are we active participants by choice, or is the system too powerful to escape?
Despite this transactional landscape, genuine connections remain possible—with people who value authenticity over market-driven desirability.
Joshua Garfunkel explores how economic principles shape modern relationships, revealing how market-style thinking influences digital-age connections.